Dating a Compulsive Liar: Tips and Advice

05.06.2019

Lies are peculiar to every person. And according to scientists, this is our nature: we can deceive to get or avoid something. But whatever the nature and psychology of men and women are, no one likes lies. Each of us suffers from it, especially when it is about a close person.

What Is a Compulsive Liar?

Have you ever met a person who, in the process of a frank conversation, told incredible life stories, but it was very difficult to believe it their plausibility? Nevertheless, you really wanted to believe in their authenticity, but for some reason, when asking clarifying questions, you noticed a lot of inconsistencies. This category of people can be attributed to the ranks of compulsive liars. After all, as much as it may seem surprising to us, they believe in their own lies.

Let’s look at the characteristics of a compulsive liar in more detail. In most cases, their stories are focused on presenting themselves in a favorable position. Compulsive liars are not aware of the abnormality of their condition. They don’t understand that their fantastic stories are not due to an existing need, but a defect in the mental sphere. Initially, it is due to the unconscious need of the individual to attract the attention of society by demonstrating the facts, confirming his or her significance. However, since in the life of individuals, there are objectively no such aspects that can ensure their authority, they “create” such arguments in their fantasy.

In the future, the tendency to misleading information develops into a bad habit and lies become the dominant trait of a person’s character. At this stage, people have the ability to control their behavior, and they understand that they are telling a lie. If they fail to transform such a negative aspect of character with purposeful efforts of their will, lies capture their thinking more and more, eventually leading to a psychopathological symptom.

Signs of a Compulsive Liar

How many times in your life did you meet people who seemed strange to you, and you felt that they were hiding something? Did you notice that you unconsciously didn't trust their facial expressions, gestures, speeches? Most likely, you met compulsive liars. Now we will consider the most common signs by which you can identify such a person. Be attentive to the next signs.

No talking about nuances

Dating a compulsive liar, you may not immediately know when a person is lying to you. But in the end, you will understand that something is wrong. Compulsive liars often have to lie to hide many nuances.

Bipolar disorder

Personality disorders can cause compulsive lies. People with bipolar disorder have mood swings that cause them to go from deep depression to hyperactivity. During the manic phase of bipolar disorder, they develop impulsive behaviors that make it easier for them to lie to avoid real problems.

Contradictions

How to tell if someone is a compulsive liar? Look, stories of such a person are inconsistent, and you eventually begin to notice contradictions in them.

The desire to attract attention

Such people will begin to invent incredible stories and talk about their achievements to get attention and admiration.

Protection

The purpose of a compulsive liar is to manipulate you – this is one of the most obvious signs of a compulsive liar. If you have doubts that a person is inconsistent, he or she will begin to violently defend lies and may even become suddenly angry.

Masters of lies

If they suspect that you can catch them in a lie, they will simply come up with another lie to hush everything up.

Repetition

If such people are caught in a lie, they may ask you to repeat what you said, so that they have more time to come up with something else that you may be able to believe.

No fear of telling lies

Living with a compulsive liar, you may notice that such a person is simply not afraid to lie. They are not afraid of the consequences of their false words and the fact that these words can harm someone.

Compulsive Liar vs Pathological Liar

A pathological liar is a person who purposefully lies to act in own way and manipulate others. These are the people who can lie about their achievements to make themselves look better to attract a particular person or they can lie about their qualifications to get a job. A pathological liar feels a chronic, uncontrollable, and obsessive need to lie. So, they lie with particular intentions. Such liars are internally motivated (that is, they don’t lie because they are somehow threatened) and can repeat what they say a lot of time.

Compulsive liar vs pathological liar – what is the difference? Compulsive lies are a controversial topic. In the psychiatric community, there is not yet a consensus on its definition, although there is general agreement on the basic elements. Compulsive lies are characterized by a long history of (possibly life-long) frequent and repeated lies, for which no obvious psychological motive or external benefit is visible. While pathological lies are aimed at external gain or avoidance of trouble, compulsive lies often seem meaningless. In some cases, people can, conversely, incriminate themselves, which makes their behavior even more incomprehensible. So, compulsive liars are those who lie because they don’t control what they say. These are people who can literally come up with stories without a real goal.

Also, they can lie because they are afraid of the truth and want to make a story to be more pleasant. Compulsive lies have no obvious psychological motives or benefits. That is, a person is deceiving you only because such a pattern of behavior has become habitual for him or her. They lie just out of habit – this is the main difference between a pathological and a compulsive liar. You can meet compulsive liars anywhere. Some of them actually know how to skillfully deceive, which can directly or indirectly harm you.

How to Build a Relationship with a Compulsive Liar?

Lying is never pleasant. But it is one thing if an outsider, whom you will never see again, lies to you, and it is quite another thing if a liar is your partner. So, how to deal with a compulsive liar in a relationship?

Understand the motives

First of all, you should understand why your loved one is lying. After finding out the main reason, you will understand how to deal with this. Lying can be a part of a person (there are such dreamers for whom lies are an integral part of life), or maybe your soulmate is simply afraid to be frank with you. Try to start a very honest conversation.

Don’t sacrifice yourself

You’re a man, after all! Yes, you don’t deserve to be deceived, but this doesn’t mean that you should feel sorry for yourself. You will feel helpless and damaged, and this will continue to make you feel bad. As a result, your self-esteem will fall, and it will be difficult for you to fully participate in your own life. Make certain conclusions and don’t let this happen again.

Make your own decisions

Dealing with a compulsive liar, don’t listen to anyone and draw your own conclusions about your loved one, and only then make a decision. No one but you know how to do better in this situation because you are inside it, and you know all the nuances. Remember that this is your life. There is no shame in staying with a liar, and there is no shame in leaving them.

Don’t ignore what happened

Attempting to ignore lies will only worsen the situation. And your resentment is likely to grow. If you caught the girl in a lie, you shouldn’t ignore it and pretend that nothing happened. Compulsive liars can lie endlessly. Do you want to be constantly deceived? Most likely, it is not so.

Don’t be silent

Lies are unpleasant and can ruin further trusting relationships. The best thing you can do in relationships with a woman who lies is to exclude her from your social circle. However, such a solution may not always be simple and possible, especially if you love her. So, once again, at first, try to talk with a liar.

Create a response situation

Try to lie to your woman several times in response. It is advisable to choose a topic that is quite important and serious for her. Sometimes a person, being in the same shoes, begins to understand how badly she behaves and how much pain she causes.

Don’t show excessive emotions

How to confront a compulsive liar? You need to figure everything out. After all, if a person lied once, the second time would follow as well. Promise a woman that you will accept any truth. Don’t say that you are seriously anxious when appealing to your partner’s feelings.

Decide whether you need such a partner

What to do if you lose confidence in your soulmate due to the fact that she is lying constantly? You begin to doubt whether it is worth living together. It’s time to decide whether to stay with a partner or end everything. In a word, not to harass yourself day after day if a partner told you the truth or lied once again, you have to make a decision that should completely change your life and, accordingly, your relationship.

Can a Compulsive Liar Change?

Why do people become liars? As a rule, no one plans to become a liar. This happens gradually but inevitably and leads to the fact that a person asks the question, “How to stop lying?” The process begins with the fact that people say the information that an interlocutor wants to hear. They believe that “innocent” lies will not harm anyone. But this is not the case: an unpleasant aftertaste and fear of “getting caught” remain.

How to stop being a compulsive liar? Some experts believe that it is impossible to cure a compulsive liar since it is easier for him or her to live in the usual ephemeral world than to go out into the real world. Others recommend close people to look for a good psychotherapist who will conduct more than one therapy session. In any case, for successful treatment, a person must want to get rid of the “addiction.” Having identified the main motives for which people telling lies, they can begin to solve the problem. It should be remembered that lying is a bad habit, like smoking, for example. Therefore, the rejection of it must be decisive and unambiguous. Of course, there are cases when a person gradually realizes that he or she is lying and wants to stop it.

So, how to help a compulsive liar? As we've said, the treatment of such problems should be carried out with a psychotherapist. Lies are cured only in this way because no pills for lying have been invented yet. It is worth remembering that this is a disease, with which a person is already unable to cope on their own. And if your woman wants it, you need to help her with this. The main thing here is that you should neither plunge headlong into the world of illusions nor lose your head if you don't want to destroy your real life.