Dating Someone With Kids: Pros and Cons

25.02.2019

Some men call single moms "divorcee with kids," demonstrating their attitude to the marital status of a woman and her ability to make a new relationship. Fortunately, this is just a stereotype that has nothing to do with real women. These men are sure that a woman is always to blame for the divorce. This opinion doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. However, single dads have even fewer chances since a rare girl dreams about dating a man with children.

Considering the possibility of dating women with kids, men worry about some things that develop into conviction and over time into stereotypes due to their small experience in dealing with children or lack of self-confidence. In general, both men and women who can potentially be involved in dating someone with kids, are often afraid that they will not find a common language with a child, will not be able to love them or become a part of this family. Some of them are afraid of becoming a victim of gold diggers, and still others are convinced that only the biological parents should raise the kids.

Of course, the situations differ, but if a person intends to connect their life with this family, then they will make every effort to achieve mutual understanding, respect, and love in the family. So, if a woman is thinking about dating a divorced man with children, she should find out all the pitfalls and sort things out. The same goes for men.

Dating with Kids: What's It Like?

Loneliness is one of the main problems that poison the life of a single parent both in the case of a forced divorce and a conscious decision to raise children without a spouse.

It is extremely important for such a person to be surrounded by loved ones. They want to create a family and become happy again, and if it falls apart for any reason, the single parent loses contact with the ground under their feet.

A single parent lacks moral and physical support on the part of a partner. They lack banal but much-needed rituals of daily communication with a partner since they don’t have an opportunity to share the news, discuss things at work, ask advice on children's problems, tell about their thoughts and feelings. This greatly hurts a person and makes them get depressed.

Situations that remind them of the status of "single parent," exacerbate and reinforce the experience. For example, in the evening, when children are asleep and household chores are done, they feel especially lonely. In addition, friends and acquaintances from the ex "family" social circle suddenly stop calling and inviting for tea.

So, if you are going to be involved in dating a woman with a kid, you should be ready for the fact that everything will not develop rapidly. A divorced person has already got through many unpleasant moments, and they will try to do their best to protect their child and heart from a new portion of disappointment. So, in some situations, such relationships can remind a tilting at windmills. On the one hand, you are reinventing yourself, trying to accept new members of the family as well as the fact that your couple is not only about you two. On the other hand, a person with kids is doing their best to open themselves and cease to be on guard all the time. Not everyone is able to cope with their feelings and relax.

Dating Someone with Kids: Pros and Cons

Don’t forget about the fact the person with kids still remains a personality with their own worldviews, feelings, and desires. However, the presence of a kid makes some adjustments. The status of a single parent can provoke a person to make imprudent and hasty actions. To quickly get rid of this "stigma,” a single parent often enters a new relationship that they do not like or for which they are not ready yet. So, if you don’t know how to be in a relationship with someone who has a child, then you should study all the pros and cons to make the final decision.

Advantages of Such Dating

If you cannot decide whether it is worth dating a separated man with children or a single mom with a kid, then look at the main advantages of such a choice.

1. They believe in committed relationships

A person who starts dating after divorce with kids has made a change in value systems, and they perfectly understand that a partner with serious intentions is the best option. Despite the fact that they have failed to build a healthy relationship with the previous partner, they don’t lose hope of becoming happy again with a new one.

2. A person who is looking for a spouse is not always eager to have children right away

Some rational beings believe that you first need to live together for several years and make sure that you have complete psychological compatibility and are still in love with each other. In this sense, a single person with a child is just a gift because, as a rule, they don’t want to immediately have another kid. In addition, choosing a partner with no longer a toddler, a person avoids two years of lack of sleep. However, of course, you can always have a second child together and enjoy all the stages of their growing up from the very beginning.

3. If a person truly loves a partner, they will love their child too

Personally I don’t know of a single case when a person, having fallen in love with a partner, starts suddenly complaining, “What am I doing?! They have a child!” This fact did not stop anyone, including even those who had previously talked about genetics and inability to accept other children. Love both drives a person mad and makes them better. It teaches them to think with their heart.

4. This person is an open book

You will understand everything about them from the very beginning. You will understand whether you will have a serious relationship or not. You’ll see all their advantages and immediately understand whether you are ready to put up with their shortcomings, which you’ll notice as well. The way a single parent treats their kid gives out all their essence. Immediately. You can only draw conclusions.

5. They don’t idealize marriage

At the beginning of a relationship, we all idealize partners, and this is completely normal. This is about the effect of certain hormones. The problem is that it is usually connected with the image of the ideal marriage, which, as a rule, has nothing to do with reality. Divorce statistics show that there is clearly something wrong with our ideas about marriage. If you don’t dream about a perfect marriage but about a normal one, then it's easier to create it with a person who has no fantasy about the ideal relationship. Ideal relationships don't exist. And it's great when you don't need to explain it.

Drawbacks of Such Dating

Since everything has two sides, it is necessary to find out what drawbacks you may face and how much they can influence your life if you decide to be involved, for example, in dating a widower with kids.

1. You will have to stay on schedule

When you are dating a divorced woman with kids, your meetings cannot end in rough sex in the backseat of the car. A single mom must control many things, and she cannot drink too much or return home five hours later. You will have to understand that children require her attention and affection. As a result, it will be extremely selfish on the part of the man to demand greater attention and to be offended in case of refusal.

2. You will take a back seat

You should accept the fact that a child will always remain the main priority for a single parent. And it’s just silly to try to compete with a kid. The situation can be even more complicated if you start dating a person who has lost a loved one. You shouldn’t compete with their deceased partner, trying to prove that you are much better. Such behavior will not do any good.

3. Children are about whims and force majeure

No matter how carefully you plan, for example, a weekend, everything can turn upside down a half an hour before moving out. Single parents are used to tantrums, malaise, or ordinary whims of their children, but all these things can hit you like a ton of bricks. You should be aware of this in advance and not imagine parenthood only as a holiday, full of pleasant emotions.

How to Date a Woman with a Child?

A reward for a relationship with a single mother can be the most significant. She may turn out to be the most dedicated and loving woman you've ever met if you show patience and empathy from the very beginning. Her child will perceive you as a friend of the family, and later as a father. You will do well to the whole family! However, to live happily ever after, you should know how to date a single mom.

Decide for yourself whether you are ready for this step

It is extremely important to know if you are ready for a relationship with a woman who has kids. If you are single, this does not mean that you urgently need to look for a partner with children. It is better to spend more time searching for exactly the person with whom you will be fine. Do not rush into such a relationship, not having weighed the pros and cons. This is good advice for dating a man with children as well.

Clearly state your plans and intentions

Most likely, a single mom has trust issues. Therefore, you should not mislead her about plans for a long and happy life together if you want to have sex. Do not pretend to be Prince Charming. Tell everything like it is. Believe me, not every single mom seeks to establish a serious relationship. She might also want to satisfy her needs and distract from parenthood, forgetting about diapers for one evening.

Don’t offer advice on how to bring up her kids

Sometimes men forget that they cannot decide for everyone. So, you should understand beforehand that to teach a single mom on how to raise her kids is one of the worst ideas ever. Especially if you haven’t been dating for too long, and you haven’t become a parent yet. You should have deep knowledge in bringing up children to give advice.

Don’t insist on meeting with children

If you have been dating for a couple of weeks, it doesn’t mean that you can start insisting on meeting with the kids. Most children become attached to people very quickly, and if you are not yet sure of your intentions, do not meet with the children until you are sure that everything is serious.

Respect her time

Single moms have a busy schedule. And a woman will have to make some efforts to find an hour for a date between cleaning, cooking and studying with a child. After all, before the meeting, she still needs to freshen up, do her hair and manicure. Respect her time and efforts. If you have agreed to meet at 7 pm, then be on time. And if she says that she needs to be at home at 10 pm, then do not keep her, persuading to stay for an hour.

Catch the difference between a single girl and a single woman with a child. Ordinary women love perseverance and spontaneity in men, but “mom +1” will appreciate the punctual and reliable gentleman.

Don’t discuss her ex-spouse and their relationship with the child

It’s better not to get involved in the maze. Of course, you will not be able to avoid such conversations because women tend to let it all out. Nonetheless, in such situations, you should just listen to her and not give advice, which won't benefit you. Therefore, rehearse a poker face in advance, nod more often and find ways to imperceptibly change the topic of conversation. The less often the “ghost” of the ex-spouse will appear on your dates, the more pleasant your joint pastime will be.

Each woman (especially with a child) is looking for a competitive male who can meet her definition of "man," which includes a lot of concepts. So, decide for yourself how much you are ready for such a relationship.