How to Forgive Someone Who Broke Your Heart

26.02.2019

It is difficult to find a person who has never faced pain or betrayal. An offense is a normal reaction to injustice. But if you cannot get rid of this harmful feeling, then negative emotions will come back again and again. You do not need to forget misconduct, but it is worth changing your perception. Then it will be easier to forgive someone who broke your heart. Choosing forgiveness, we free ourselves from sufferings, which repeatedly bring back unpleasant moments. Therefore, let's find out how to forgive someone who broke your heart.

How to Forgive a Cheating Spouse?

Families break up for various reasons, but one of the most frequent reasons for divorce is cheating. For someone, adultery is a trauma for a long time, while it is the beginning of a new life for someone else. However, in one case or another, cheating makes you take thought and change the vector of familial relationships.

Cheating is a heavy blow to a loved one. We all have the right to leave this relationship. But such an approach would mean that there was no love. If there is love, the question arises: is it possible to forgive a cheating spouse? If it is so, how to forgive someone for cheating?

Give yourself time

Treason of a loved one is always a painful injury, and in order to survive it, you need days, months, and sometimes years, depending on the specific circumstances. Do not try to force events and pull no punches. Some people think, “How many times should I forgive?” Then they freak out and break up the relationship. Thus, the first thing you need is the opportunity to calm down in order to think critically and make informed decisions. So take care of yourself as your main priority: spend a day in the spa center, take a couple of days off, and if you can, get away from it all for at least a week, going on a short journey: new experiences and proper rest will help you relax and bring your thoughts in order.

Sort out the situation

Based on the phrase that "all unhappy families are unhappy in different ways," it can be argued that similar cheating does not exist as well. It is important to understand that infidelity is only the tip of the iceberg – and in order to understand whether you can forgive your loved one, you first need to sort out the situation and find out what the treason is hiding. It is the best idea on how to forgive a cheater.

If the adultery happened after a protracted conflict or a serious quarrel (remember the classic statement, “We had a break!” from the TV series “Friends”?) if you understand that your relationships are extremely intimate and valuable, and if your loved one is honest in repentance – cheating, of course, remains cheating, but it is much more likely to be forgiven than in a situation of repeated betrayals or in the case when infidelity is nothing more than evidence that the relationship has long been exhausted. Be extremely frank with yourself and with each other to find the best solution and understand whether your relationship has a future.

Refrain from discussing the situation with others

It's not about withdrawing into yourself – surely, you need a friend with whom you can cry out all the hurt and pain. And yet, be extremely careful when choosing interlocutors for frank conversations: firstly, you must have full confidence in this person– you need gossip the least, and secondly, there is a risk that as a result of confidential conversations, people will shower you with numerous tips, recommendations, and diagnoses. At the moment of offense and confusion, we become very vulnerable – so it is better to take only one or two closest friends into the details of our personal drama. In addition, you should consult a trusted psychologist.

Change yourself and your attitude to the partner

“When we cannot change the world around us, we must change our attitude towards it!” – this is the rule that perfectly describes the essence of things and suggests a way out of a seemingly hopeless situation. Of course, you cannot change yourself and your attitude towards a loved one in one day, but it’s quite possible in a month or two. Changes should make you understand that no one in the world is perfect, and also that everything in life is possible, and even such mean actions from a loved one, so you need to be ready for them and take cheating more calmly and judiciously. It is also important to understand that sometimes the cause of betrayal lies not in someone else, but in yourself, sometimes it is we who are to blame for our being cheated.

Have a heart to heart talk

Having a heart to heart talk is a good way to forgive treason. Properly built conversation is a necessary condition in the search for a compromise even if you want to learn how to forgive emotional cheating. A quiet and modest partner needs to become stronger and show their anger expressively. Aggressive nature, on the contrary, should be more restrained and modest during the conversation. That is, it is important to be able to surprise your spouse with the power of your reaction. The conversation should lead to a sense of guilt. This feeling will be a serious punishment for the person who betrayed you. However, threats, like instant forgiveness, can only harm.

How Long Does It Take to Forgive a Cheating Spouse?

The ability to forgive is a great gift that not everyone is endowed with. It is especially difficult to forget that the dearest and the most loved person could cheat you. The severity does not depend on the cause of treason: it still hurts. How long does it take to forgive a cheating spouse? How a person perceives treason and can cope with their own feelings depends on how long it takes them to forgive a loved one. Some people need a week or two, others need a month or half a year, the rest may need a year or even more. Each person is an individual, but in most cases, adultery is completely forgotten in 12 months.

How to Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry?

Forgiveness is not so much about the other person. When we forgive people, it’s still for our own sake and peace of mind. Whether you realize it or not, if you hold on to your offenses, you live in the past. When you fully live in the past, you have neither the future nor the full-fledged life in the present.

When we forgive someone, it is more often because they have already asked for forgiveness. But how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you? What about a person who is not sorry? What about those who never decide to say, “Forgive me!”? Most people think that they are not worthy of forgiveness and continue to bear this pain. However, we should still take steps to forgive them not only for their good but also for our own sake.

Focus on yourself, not others

As commonly cited, forgiveness is the release of the other from responsibility for their wrongdoings. In any case, when we turn attention from condemning other people to studying ourselves, we can learn to heal ourselves from within. By focusing on yourself, you learn to understand how you feel and what will be better for you, therefore, you can forgive much easier. As soon as you decide to forgive someone, you automatically free yourself from the offense. This is a decision to draw a lesson from betrayal, to see your role in it (if it is), and to move on as soon as you analyze your feelings.

Take responsibility for your actions

Not everything is so one-sided. Since we can judge only from our point of view, we often find others wrong and guilty. We do not understand that sometimes it was we who could have done something that provoked the manifestations of their cold-blooded personality. Taking responsibility for your part in a quarrel, you will learn to forgive the offensive behavior of another person much faster. Thus, you may even be able to put up with the problem. Moreover, accepting responsibility for your blunders, incline the second party of the conflict to accept their wrongdoings too.

Stop living in the past

If you refuse to learn how to forgive and forget the insults or anger of the past, you cannot live in the present to the fullest. You can easily find yourself thinking for a long time about people who have neglected you and caused you to feel unhappy now. When you continue to think about it and constantly experience the negative emotions of the past, you miss those really important moments of your life in the present.

Studies show that people who hold on to chronic unforgiveness experience prolonged stress, which affects the immune system, making resistance to diseases problematic. Harmful thoughts have specific health effects. Forgiveness gives you the opportunity to forget all the bad things, so do not be so sensitive and learn true acceptance even at the peak of chaos. Just take a deep breath and start living for today. Once you find peace in the present, you will be able to forgive offenses and even those who do not ask for forgiveness.

Take responsibility for your feelings

Nowadays, other people have so much tangible ascendance over us. However, despite the fact that their words and actions can affect us, we still have control over our feelings and behavior. Taking responsibility for your own feelings, you stop blaming others for how bad you feel and begin to move on, forgetting negative emotions. When you cease to feel pain “through the fault of others,” you are immediately released from both accusations and condemnations, which keep you trapped in insults. Understand that you are the only person who has complete control of your feelings. And, realizing this, get rid of everything negative. You should learn how to forgive someone who hurt you not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve pacification.

Forgiveness should not be the liberation of another person from guilt to the detriment of your own emotions. Forgiveness should help you heal from the past and move on. When you forgive someone, who is not going to apologize, you heal your sanity and soul. It is "... a wonderful way to honor yourself. This confirms to the Universe that you deserve to be happy,” says family therapist Andrea Brandt.

How to Forgive Yourself?

Nobody is perfect. We all commit acts that we regret. How to learn to forgive yourself, live in harmony with your “dark side” and not run into self-justification?

Ask forgiveness from those people who have been hurt. It is impossible to live a life without hurting someone. Forgiveness requires a sincere and frank apology. Ask for forgiveness only for what you really are to blame. Do not apologize to please someone.

Learn from mistakes. How do you forgive yourself? Do you know that mistakes can be a trigger for growth and development? Try to take them as new opportunities. Sorting out the mistakes you made, think about what you could do differently. How would it change the situation? What could help you react and act differently? Think about the benefits of this fault. Moreover, the so-called mistake has given you new experiences and new tools that may come in handy in the future.

Determine the power of your pain. Realize that when you think about your mistakes, the feeling of resentment, thoughts of your own fault, and signs of stress cause you heartache – regardless of whether you did it 2 minutes ago or 10 years have already passed since the moment. This is your reaction to the fault today, and it causes a problem. This is a habit that should be eliminated.

Stop thinking about the worst. When you contemplate the events of the past over and over again, it still does not help either you or the person whom you have offended. Therefore, every time you find yourself brooding over your sins, just stop. Pay attention to something more positive (for example, good habits that will change your life). It is the best advice on how to forgive and move on.

Do not be an enemy for yourself. Believe that you are worthy to be forgiven. We are all human and make mistakes. You do not need to constantly punish yourself and engage in self-flagellation for the actions you once committed. You deserve to be happy! Do not torment yourself for past mistakes for the rest of your life.