Sex Drive: How Men and Women Compare

21.11.2017

Sex drive is a key aspect of a love relationship between a woman and a man. The relationship with no sex drive is either friendship or business. The mutual attraction that emerges when his and her eyes meet is the foundation of sexual desire. It can be sudden, or it can accumulate step by step.

When it comes to a long-term relationship, the problem of low sex drive may arise. Traditionally, women are considered to be interested in sex less than men, but in fact, everything depends on a particular person. In this article, we’ll shed light on this matter.

high sex drive

Sex Drive: How It Works and How to Increase It

Sex drive or libido is a person’s desire to have sexual intimacy with the aim of getting pleasure, lessening the tension, and procreation. The desire to have intercourse can be the means of self-assertion or compensation.

Sex drive is a strictly individual thing. Some people have a weak libido, while some are ready to have sex as frequently as possible. Most people strive for the sexual intimacy with the opposite sex, while some are sexually attracted to the people of the same sex. Sex drive and love are closely connected, so they shouldn’t be viewed separately. According to psychologists, what we call ‘chemistry’ is actually sex drive. It’s indeed a chemical reaction in your brain. “Love” hormones are produced in great quantities and their effect lasts for about a year. After this, sexual desire is gradually declining, and people stop to idealize their partners. This is the period during which many couples break up.

Nevertheless, love and sex drive co-exist. It’s natural that experienced couples don’t have high sex drive. They connect on the emotional level, not on the physical one. Prolonged sex-free periods don’t eliminate love from the equation. At the same time, you can love a person being incompatible in sex with them, and you may have no deep feelings for the person but have extremely satisfying sex with them.

Loss of Sex Drive

Women and men are attracted to the strength, to those people who are now at the peak of their abilities, their potential (energy, success, confidence, beauty, etc). If a person is (even if it’s temporary) not at the peak but at the bottom of their potential (tiredness, lack of energy and enthusiasm, feeling jaded), people avoid them. This rule applies both to men and women. As long as you are powerful, people are drawn to you. Once you slack up, people just start ignoring you, your loved one may dump you, people see you a pitiful.

high sex drive in menYou should distinguish between the temporary loss of sex drive and anhedonia – the inability to feel pleasure. Temporary low sex drive is a part of couple’s intimate life. There can be different causes: illness, fatigue, conflicts, etc. Sexy women usually quickly rehabilitate themselves after the loss of sex drive. They reach the same levels of sexual desire as they had before. Ladies with a less pronounced sex appeal have an unsteady sex drive that depends on many factors, such as lifestyle, social environment, sex life. Often, the cause of anhedonia is frigidity. Less frequent, there are more serious sexual disorders to blame. Among the adherents of Freud’s theory, there is an opinion that the cause of anhedonia is the unconscious fear of impairing the body or getting injured. Among the popular causes of low sex drive is an aversion to coition itself. The reason for this aversion can be the fear of getting pregnant.

How to Increase Sex Drive?

The absence of sex drive may not have any negative effect on a romantic couple if both partners don’t mind it. But if the lack of sexual desire worries you, then some measures have to be taken. Regular sex is essential if partners want to have a harmonious relationship. It’s beneficial not only to the health of relationship but also to the health of each partner. So, how to increase your sex drive? Here are some tips.

1. Forbidden fruit. Low sex drive is a typical problem of the experienced couples. One of the ways to fix your sex life is temporary continence. It works similarly to the way parents forbid a child to take candies from the open box on the table. Nothing can intensify the sex drive more than the agreement to abstain from it for a while together.

2. Regular exercise. Physical activity has a number of advantages. It helps not only keep fit but also can boost your libido. Men are advised to do exercise and run in the morning. Special attention should be paid to the pelvic zone. Women are advised to do Kegel exercises, those consisting of contracting and relaxing the pelvic muscles.

3. Aphrodisiac foods. Some foods are ascribed sex-drive boosting properties. They are generally called aphrodisiacs. However, you shouldn’t rely on their power solely. Use them as additional boosters. Chocolate is a famous aphrodisiac that increases sex drive both in men and women. It stimulates the production of hormones that beneficially influence some brain parts responsible for pleasure and thus improve sex drive. Only dark sorts of chocolate will have the desired effect. Broccoli florets also have aphrodisiacal properties. But if you are not into eating it, then don’t force yourself. Aphrodisiac therapy should be pleasant. Oysters, chocolate, bananas – choose what you like.

4. Romance. It may sound trivial, but it’s always effective. A romantic dinner may be what you need to feel the irresistible sex drive. Candles, wine, quiet music will create a romantic ambiance and intensify the emotional connection between the partners. If there is a strong emotional bond between the lovers, it’s easier for them to connect on the physical level. After a romantic dinner (don’t forget about aphrodisiacs), give your loved one massage to awaken their sensuality. Use natural massage oils (ginseng, sandal, cinnamon, ylang-ylang) for a better effect.

5. Positive mood. Stress is often to blame for the weak sex drive. It’s obvious: when you are stressed out, the last thing you think of is sex. Your mood directly influences your libido. That’s why you need to deal with your stress and get rid of negative thoughts once you enter your bedroom. If you find it quite difficult to abstract yourself from daily stress, then first sort out your problems so that you can relax in your bedroom.

6. Confidence. Sex drive goes from within, and it is dependent on many aspects. It’s not only the attraction to your partner, it’s your inner feeling that you are awesome. What do you need to feel irresistible? Maybe you want to lose some weight to be more confident in bed. Perhaps, you feel unfulfilled because of not being involved in any hobby. Then, go for it. Boost your confidence and your sex drive will increase too.

7. The right attitude. Sometimes you need to change your attitude in order to look at the old things from a different angle. Reconsider your attitude to the sex life and see how it will influence your libido.

Sex Drive: Men vs Women

Female sex drive

Women sex drive comprises three aspects: platonic, erotic, and sexual. Platonic and erotic attraction to the opposite sex begins to form during the pubertal period. There is a huge difference between men’s and women’s libido. The primary desire of a man is to have intercourse with a woman; the feelings of love and spiritual affection develop later. For a woman, love is primary. She needs time to feel sexual desire towards the man with whom she’s established the emotional connection. Therefore, woman’s sensuality can be awakened by the tenderness, tactfulness, and sensitivity of her man. If there is at least a trace of haste or rudeness, it can negatively affect or even kill her sex drive.

increase sex drive in womenThe speed and level of excitability are also different. Since women get excited more slowly than men, foreplay and stimulation of the erogenous zones are necessary for them to warm up.

Another difference lies in the progress of sexual intercourse. Men feel the drive immediately, and it only grows stronger in them. When they reach an orgasm, their sexual desire completely and quite abruptly fades away. A woman begins to feel a strong sexual desire after intercourse starts. Sex drive is gradually increasing, but more slowly than in men. After an orgasm, woman’s libido gradually languishes. It takes a couple of minutes during which she feels the need of caresses. If her partner fails to show his post-sex tenderness, she may feel sexually dissatisfied. As a rule, it’s harder for women to instigate intercourse because their lust usually awakens after preliminary caresses.

Male sex drive

While erotic attraction to the opposite sex is strongly pronounced both in men and in women, sexual attraction is more pronounced in men. Most girls of the age 16-18 are not interested in physical intimacy, they like the feeling of affection and butterflies in the stomach.

Men, before they turn 25, feel a strong need for sex. About 25% of women begin to feel the strong sexual desire by the age of 26-28, and it stays at the same level until they turn 60.

The maximum high sex drive in men can be observed at the age of 25-30. After that, there is some kind of recession. Quite often, women complain that their men are too active in terms of sex, but after 30 you may hear a woman saying, “my boyfriend has no sex drive.”

Hypersexuality

High sex drive in women and men is called hypersexuality. It’s a kind of obsession with sex, in simple terms. Some men consider it cool, but it’ so if a particular man is interested in a casual relationship. Girls with high sex drive can direct it only to their exclusive partners, but the risk is their libido will look for the way out and infidelity is the main concern.

However, in most cases, men would like to increase sex drive in women. Although a woman should deal with her insecurity on her own, her man can help her boost female sex drive. Compliments, words of love and admiration, romantic dates, sex talk – all these things will make her feel feminine and boost her confidence. As a result, she’ll be more liberated and more willing to get pleasure in bed.

Freud believed that our lives are governed by our sexual desires. And it’s hard to deny it. Pleasure, both emotional and physical, is what we seek and what love can actually give us. Our libido is responsible for our choice of partners. Later in a relationship, it’s responsible for keeping a healthy sex life. It’s a fine matter that is influenced by many factors. Some people may have it in abundance, while some may lack it. Fortunately, the level of sex drive can be boosted (and lowered, if needed) using your own efforts. A healthy lifestyle, the ability to deal with stress, a healthy perception of intimacy, aphrodisiacs. If nothing works for you, then the problem may have deeper roots, and you might need to consult a psychotherapist or sexologist.