What Is Considered Cheating in a Relationship?

02.07.2019

Recent studies have established that men and women have different opinions on the question, "What is cheating in a relationship?" It turns out that not all people associate this concept with a sexual relationship on the side. Today we will try to find out what is cheating from various points of view and shed light on the main reasons for marital treason.

What Are the Root Causes of Cheating in a Relationship?

Not always reasons for cheating in a relationship are obvious, even people who got involved in it sometimes cannot explain why they made such a decision and did not stop at the right moment. So, the core of the problem may lie much deeper, some of the root causes for different forms of cheating in a relationship may be the following.

Lack of love. Analyzing the answers of people who participated in research concerning cheating, scientists concluded that the biggest reason why people begin to “seek for love on the side” is the lack of love. Moreover, this feeling of being underestimated may come not only from the cheating woman or man but also from their partner. They did not feel the love of their partner and decided to seek affection even more than regular sex. In addition to this, this feeling is not always well-grounded. If one of the partners begins to feel that their beloved one behaves colder than usual and shows fewer emotions, it doesn't mean their soulmate has really stopped loved them. Sometimes the problem is in our heads and perception of the situation.

Animal instinct. No matter how we try to escape the reality that people are so similar to animals, our subconscious behavior speaks for itself. All human beings, no matter how intelligent social creatures they are, still want freedom in terms of sexual relationships. It is somewhat unnatural for people to live with the same partner the whole life, and we make this choice just because of morality, while on the physical level it is illogical. Researchers note that many cheating girlfriends and boyfriends confessed they feel polygamous, and it is hard for them to keep a stable relationship with just one person. Even in a perfect relationship, such people will lack variety and freedom.

Low attachment. There are cases when one partner loves their beloved one, and their soulmate just allows them to love themselves, so the first party definitely will suffer from treason one day. Just because 41% of respondents admitted that the fact they do not feel an emotional connection with a partner pushed them to seek for somebody on the side. In any case, they did not feel the connection as strong as they would like.

Situational factors. Although an excuse, “I was just drunk” sounds not very convincing, various situations happen in life. In fact, the majority of cheating incidents happen exactly for this reason, so if you have thoughts you are afraid of and think you will not get over, try to stay away from alcohol. It makes people feel liberated, changing the way you act, but your hidden wishes become visible. And when you do cheat, it means you wanted it.

Self-esteem traumas. Inferiority complex, as well as behavior patterns adjusted during upbringing, definitely play a huge role in defining whether a person is cheating-prone or not. If an individual is unconfident, they will always seek for attention and try to attract representatives of the other sex. No matter whether it is just for fun or concrete sexual actions, but in this way many people hope to raise their self-esteem and fight traumas. In fact, at this moment they do not care about their partner, they forget what social norms are and try to heal the wounded soul through sex and using other people.

Anger. Imagine, sometimes one of the forms of cheating in a relationship is the act of revenge towards their beloved one. People who have cheated on their beloved ones say that they did it in some cases just since they were in a quarrel with them and felt angry. But to be completely fair, very often the feeling of rage was provoked by a partner’s behavior or even cheating from their side. It means more a revenge rule than pure anger at the partner.

Just sex. About 30% of the respondents said it was pure longing for physical intimacy and sex that they strived for. The majority of males answered they did not get enough of sex and intimacy in their relationships, while females stated they lacked experiments or emotional support so sought for someone that could cope with it on the side.

How common is cheating? Different resources give controversial information, but to cut a long story short, approximately 30% of man and 15% of women have at least once cheated on their spouses. After marital treason is revealed, almost 90% of marriages fall apart because partners no longer want to live with a person that has cheated on them. It is also reported that 75% of people who once sought love or affection on the side and broke with their past partner, continue to cheat on their present one. That is definitely information to take into consideration while thinking about forgiving a cheater.

What Is Considered Cheating?

Often, the same couple has different thoughts on what is considered cheating in a relationship. We have collected some information about it as from the point of view of certain psychologists, men, and women.

People more often take flirting or sex on the side as a basic form of cheating. In fact, this is a more complex concept. For some, sex outside of marriage is considered adultery. Others refer to this word as the weakening of the emotional connection between spouses when one loses all interest in another. Before answering the question, “What is considered treason in a relationship?” find out how this concept is classified.

• The first type of infidelity is fleeting dating, ending in intimacy. As a rule, after the first sex, the relationships of lovers do not continue, and there is no emotional attachment between them.
• The second type: the relationship between lovers acquire a long character (up to 1-1.5 years). The cheater does not want to give up their mistress, but they are not ready to destroy the family either.
• Third: this variant of betrayal means that a person has many lovers on the side beside the main partner.
• The fourth type: here betrayals arise because of marriage problems. One of the partners thus fills the void that has formed.
• The fifth is emotional cheating. There is a strong emotional connection with the person on the side. But this relationship is friendly; there is no sex between them.

The attitude of men to cheating

Male representatives of the human population treat this problem conservatively. What is treason in a relationship, in their opinion? Most men associate the concept of “infidelity” with the sexual contacts of their darling on the side. Some people consider that sexual fantasies of the partner fall within this category too. It is inappropriate for them that, during intimacy, their woman dreams of another man. Most men consider female infidelity unacceptable. Few husbands forgive cheating wives.

Women’s opinion

Female concept of "male infidelity" has a wider meaning. So what is considered cheating in a relationship according to women?

• Communicating with another girl on the phone, on the web.
• Flirt on the side and intimacy.
• Joint visits to the theater, cinema, cafe.
• Kiss with another girl.
• Virtual sex.

In this case, women are more flexible. But they perceive all of the mentioned points really seriously. Many forgive the sex of their chosen ones on the side, especially if it occurred with a girl, they did not feel an emotional connection with. In our society, there are cases when women pretend that they do not notice the betrayal of a spouse. They believe that such silence helps maintain relationships.

The scientific point of view. Experts have an opinion on this. What is cheating in a relationship, according to them? Every person has a genetic predisposition to flirt on the side. Everyone at least once looked at the person of the opposite sex being attracted by their beauty or personality, even when having a stable relationship or being married. But while some allow themselves to "cross the line" to experience new sensations, others do not.

According to experts, social morality acts as a deterrent. There are certain rules in society that must be respected. Cheating is considered to be bad, it is an example of wrong actions for people in official relationships. Firstly, such an act is condemned by society, and secondly, it causes pain to one of the spouses.

Emotional vs. Physical Cheating

There are cases when a non-platonic, emotional, intense relationship with another person, weakening the bond between spouses, also known as emotional cheating, is no less painful for partners. When it is easy to understand the answer to the question, “What is physical cheating?”, the perception of that concept is somehow similar for all people, it is hard to distinguish emotional cheating vs friendship even.

There are cases when one of the spouses has a very close friend on the side. Their relationship is emotionally close but lacks sex. But the partner is so much interested and absorbed in their friend that they cease to be interested in their soulmate. If you apply the theory of energy exchange between people here, it turns out that part of the energy is taken from the family and given to another person. As a result, the emotional bond between spouses weakens.

Of course, partners do not have to look only at each other all their lives, they can communicate with other friends and acquaintances, but only until their communication with these people does not become disrespectful to their partners. To be more precise, here are some signs of emotional cheating that distinguish it from friendship and regular healthy relationships.

Fantasies about another person. To fantasize about someone is normal, but only if you share these thoughts with a partner. And if you hide and feel that you are ready to kiss someone else rather than a partner, this can be a problem.

Hiding financial state. Yes, financial betrayal is also possible, omissions affect both partners. For example, if you decided to save money on vacation, and you bought something unnecessary in the store, you actually cheated on your partner by violating your agreement.

Secret social networks activity. This option has appeared relatively recently but has spread widely over the past few years. For example, if you constantly stalk the behavior of your ex or periodically check for “new arrivals” on dating sites, you are already crossing the line. Another option: you prefer to read new posts on social networks instead of chatting with a partner.

In any case, to understand where the border of the norm and cheating passes, you need to discuss this with a partner. Perhaps almost all of the above will get away with their approval.