Bickering in a Relationship: Dangers and Tips for Overcoming

24.04.2020

When people dream about romantic relationships, they see everything through pink glasses. Furthermore, even when they search for places to meet women, finally fall in love with someone, they still wear pink glasses. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever, even love changes with time and may even disappear if partners are not interested in maintaining it. However, even if both you and your significant other constantly work on your relationships and love, with the time you will see that it has become very easy to bicker with your partner even over tiny matters. Sometimes, people even understand that they are crabby and unreasonable, but they still can't stop nitpicking their partners.

You will be surprised to know how many pointless arguments people have during this period. Almost everything can serve as a reason for bickering. For example, the day when was the last time partners had a date, whether the dress is black or blue, and many more. Needless to say that these unnecessary arguments are frustrating and create undesirable pressure between partners. In this case, problems can grow very fast, and with time, those may ruin your relationship. Constant bickering in a relationship is a serious problem, and if you see that you have one, you must immediately take steps to resolve it.

What Does Bickering Mean for a Couple?

So, bickering in relationships is bad, right? But what does bickering mean? Simply put, bickering is all those small arguments that arise emotions that shouldn't normally be present during standard arguments. For example, it is not okay when you feel angry with your partner during a small quarrel concerning the unimportant matter. Constant bickering with time will inevitably decrease the quality of your relationship because it won't allow you to reduce the emotional tension. Thus, you will quarrel moreover with smaller matters. As you have guessed, this situation can't and won't last forever. Sooner or later, one of you will decide to break up.

According to statistics, partners that have been together for quite some time are bickering more often. For example, there is nothing to worry about during your honeymoon period, or even when you just start dating. But this statement is true only if you have managed to build healthy romantic relationships. Some people ask, "Is bickering a sign of attraction?" If you are just searching for a single ladies' site to find a nice partner, you must understand that bickering is not a sign of attraction. Remember, partners never decide to be together because they often have small quarrels over unimportant matters.

Should you fear bickering in a relationship? You see, it is not that hard to resolve this problem. Nevertheless, very often, this problem in relationships gets to the point when all partners simply don't want to stop those small quarrels and do something about their negative reactions. In this case, we can say that it is too late to deal with this problem because there are no parties who are interested in resolving it. However, maybe, it is not too late for your relationship. After all, you have come here, and it means that you not only see this problem but that it also bothers you.

Unfortunately, in the majority of cases, bickering means that a couple has unresolved problems. It goes without saying that pressure and tension between romantic partners never appear without a good reason. Thus, partners can't fix their problem and accumulated pressure, and this pressure also begins to affect other aspects of their lives. In this case, the emotional tension and pressure will be increased until those will become strong enough to break all connections and romantic ties between partners. Also, both partners need not only understand the problem, but both of them should seek to resolve it.

The Main Reason for Bickering in a Relationship

So, everyone knows that even though having fights in a relationship is normal, but frequent bickering is not okay and even harmful for a relationship. Then, why do couples bicker? Unfortunately, it is very hard to avoid this problem, especially when partners have been dating for a very long time, and never tried to bring something new to their relationships. But still, bickering and nitpicking are bad, and you should, at any cost, avoid those in your relationship. Consequently, to learn how to deal or even prevent this problem, you need to learn what causes bickering.

1. Don’t have time and energy to work on normal communication

As we have said before, building a healthy relationship requires a lot from both partners. Unfortunately, some people are not ready or can't put so much effort into establishing healthy communication in a relationship. Thus, without proper communication, both partners begin to bicker and nitpick each other with no good reason whatsoever.

2. The lack of acceptance

When getting involved in romantic relationships, we expect that our significant others will accept us for who we are. A few of us understand that acceptance is not equal to universal approval, but about accepting our partners for who they are. Due to this fact, a person's inability to accept his or her partner evolves into bickering with time.

3. The lack of respect

This is especially true when one partner has more power than the other one. According to a series of studies, people who have lots of power and don't respect their partners often use conflicts to prove their point of view. This turns into a cycle when both partners constantly search for ways to attack each other.

4. One of you is too rational

Generally, there is nothing bad about being a rational person. Rationality, to some extent, can help you be more reasonable during your arguments. Thus, you will have more chances to persuade your partner. However, the same reasonableness makes it much harder to compromise. Plus, you will see more reasons to bicker with your "irrational" partner.

5. You are bored

When a romantic relationship is too smooth, and partners have neither problems nor major reasons for happiness, they both subconsciously begin to search for a new source of emotions. The lack of emotions in a relationship can be a very good reason for partners to start bickering each other. This is one of many ways how boredom can slowly kill your love.

Useful Questions to Ask to Stop Bickering in a Relationship

One of the first and most important bickering couples' advice is that partners must work on their communication. Sadly, you won't be able to do this unless you will learn to control your emotions and stop bickering. The best way to do this is to ask yourself and your partner questions. This technique assumes that you, with those questions, will be reminding each other that you don't actually have any serious reason to start a big conflict.

Thus, you will decrease the tension between you, and step by step will come back to having normal emotional reactions.

1. “Are we really arguing about…?”

This one is the fasters way to remind both of you that there is no reason for you to start a fight. In some cases, just asking the obvious question is enough to cool down and rethink the whole situation again. However, you must be very careful with your tone and facial expression. Because wrongly asked questions may seem like a reason for bickering itself.

2. “Does this actually matter to me?”

Your second step is to analyze whether this or that matter is important to you or not. You see, sometimes partners have arguments just because they want to argue. Thus, if you see that this matter is not so important for you, but it is so for your partner, you definitely do everything according to your partner's plan. This will help you improve your connection with him or her.

3. “Will my partner's proposal work too?”

Your final step is to analyze your partner's proposal. If his or her plan will also work, there is nothing bad about doing something in his or her way. To build a healthy relationship, sometimes you will have to agree to do everything according to your partner's proposal, even if your plan is better.

Tips to Eliminate Senseless Bickering and Prevent It in the Future

It is obvious that there can't be a healthy romantic relationship without quarrels. Quarrels, arguments, and even anger exist for a reason. Those help us adapt to our partners and improve our relationships. However, during quarrels, you should never lose control over your emotions, and words you say. Consequently, your quarrels should never turn into emotional bickering for no good reason, and even if you see that this has already happened, you need to know how to stop bickering. So, in this part of the article, we are going to share with you the top 5 ways how you can eliminate senseless bickering and prevent it in the future.

1. Tell your partner that you are getting angry with something

Your first step is to understand the difference between anger and rage. When people get angry, they don't break things or relationships like they do in rage. Therefore, you must understand that anger itself is no danger to your relationships, but an indicator that shows that you have crossed some borders. When this happens, your task is not to allow it to turn into a range. So, when you feel that you are getting angry, you must immediately tell this to your partner. Thus, you may not get to the point of no return when you both lose control over the whole situation.

2. Never raise your voice during arguments

You may not even notice how you both raise voices during quarrels that hurt your feelings. In this case, things that could have been resolved without any significant problems and whisper turn into a real nightmare. First of all, when someone is shouting at you, it is very unpleasant or even offensive. Thus, you and your partner, instead of working on a compromise, will be insulting each other. If you are one of those shouters, then try to communicate with your lover with whispers. Sit closer to him or her and control your voice. This will help remain calm and resolve your problems faster.

3. Avoid threats

Sometimes when people can't get what they want from their partners, they begin to threaten their relationships. At first, this seems like a good idea because, in the short run, you can really get what you want. However, the risks are too high. First of all, this approach puts your partner in a fight or flight mode. Thus, your threats may make him or her search for another partner. Also, this may put them into a deep depression. So, they also won't be able to get what you want. According to all the above mentioned, it is clear that you should never threaten your relationship.

4. Don’t stockpile your problems

Stockpiling is when instead of searching for relevant arguments in a quarrel, one partner brings up old issues and uses them as a weapon against the other one. This is a very devastating approach because it shows your partner that you haven't coped with those problems yet. Also, it shows that you both can't effectively resolve your problems. By doing this, you will only increase the tension between you, and instead of resolving a current conflict, you will bring one more. Remember, the past is the past, and even if you have unresolved issues, you should discuss one issue at a time.

5. Create your own problem-solving process

This is a very effective approach, but only if you use it right. You both need to create your own "problem-solving algorithm." In other words, this is your plan on how to resolve issues that may appear between you. For example, when you have a quarrel, first of all, you give each other five minutes to express your feelings. Then, you take a break (10 or more minutes, but no longer than 30), and come back to have a 10-minute discussion concerning this issue. If you feel that you are getting angry again, take another break, and repeat the whole process. This approach will take a lot of time, but eventually, you will resolve your problems.

Finally, we want to tell you that you should never leave your problems unresolved. Remember, you can't go to sleep if you still haven't ended up with a solution to your problem. This is crucial because, in another case, your problems will accumulate, and the weight of unresolved problems will ruin your relationship rather sooner than later. Yes, it can be very hard to resolve some problems because it will require a lot of time and emotional effort. However, both must understand that problems in a romantic relationship should never be kept on the back burner.

Besides, your ability to control your emotions is very important when it comes to resolving problems and dealing with bickering in a relationship. Don't worry if you are one of those very emotional people, who just can't remain calm. Sometimes it seems that the ability to control emotions is a gift given when a person born, but it is just a skill. And, just like any other skill, it can be improved. For example, you can try meditation. You can even practice it together with your partner. Thus, you both will show your commitment to your relationship.