A Complete Guide to Sex in a Long-Term Relationship

31.07.2017

My female friend, who is 23 years old, is bothered with sex issues. Not in the way you think. The girl is worried to have that special night before marriage. She doesn’t want to lose dignity in the eyes of her boyfriend, but at the same time he most definitely desires her for a year and a half. Some people rebel against my friend, saying that such prudence is a pure torture for a poor guy, others think that he probably cheats on his girlfriend. This topic is not going to be about sex before marriage or duties, it’s a matter of opinions.

how to spice up your sex life

How Important Is Sex For a Healthy Relationship?

To begin this important discussion, let’s define a healthy relationship. So, any relationship has a physical and a mental side to it. Healthy in this case means productive and functional. But can a couple function without a sexual intercourse? The following question arises. How important is sex in a relationship? Some people say that judging people by the presence of sex life is a barbarian method, because a relationship is so much more, it’s a combination of feelings, outlooks, and some material factors. But why a dysfunctional relationship starts from short or low-quality sex?

The answer is rather simple. People who live together for a long period of time (we are talking about a couple) need to maintain some kind of interest in order to continue romantic feelings. People who perform a poor intercourse start having problems arisen from physical deprivation (women often get mad and unsatisfied while men simply go and find someone more fun). Then goes a feeling of guilt, and the relationship is not so intimate anymore. If similar problems happen to you in the first place, then stay tuned!

Why is sex so important to men? Women always say that they are not so sexually aggressive, but their intimate life correlates with overall relationships. Let’s imagine an example of two people. They are happy, they have a lot in common. Those romantic dinners, movies, and midnight stories are definitely remarkable for every new-formed couple. But what happens when cute dates are gone? Here is where hormones take place.

“The best sex happens with a person who is fun without sex” – that’s what people always tell. Ironically, the statement is true for both genders. Indeed, psychologists say that dating, as well as relationships, stands on something more substantial, like mutual respect and trust, which I’ve mentioned previously.

How Often Should You Have Sex in a Relationship

how important is sex in a relationshipWe keep saying stupid things like should, must, obliged. No one should do anything like that. Sex doesn’t happen according to schedule (well, maybe I know not all the couples). Poor women want sex once a week, and horny men want sex three times a day. Instead of actually talking what’s comfortable for each one, we keep guessing. How often do couples have sex?

Well, it greatly depends on a phase of the relationships you are going through. Some of us begin on a very passionate note, leaving bed for a workday and finishing a workday with some more work. Some of us start very slowly on a rather cautious note, learning about each other’s boundaries. But rumor has it that we actually end up having less sex in a long-term relationships. If your couple is not into kinks, every avenue is explored and no one else is to impress.

You learn each other’s schedule, so all the magic happens when he is out of work and she is not tired. The sparkle disappears, so you become indifferent or start wandering around. The worst problem starts when a woman begins to avoid having sex and even forbids touching her after a partner did something wrong. Sexologists suggest that it’s the worst tactics that a woman can turn to.

How often do women want sex? Usually less often then guys. Sex is a pleasant, but not essential thing for females. To maintain healthy relationships, an intercourse better happens at least a couple of times a week or every day. But the main question is not when to arrange sex, but how strongly and mutually you want it. We found out that men are more hungry and women love men for being men. That’s cool and stuff, so I suggest you two to talk. Sure, it works differently.

Still, for a highly functional relationship a man shouldn’t come home and grab a girl like Khal Drogo! On the contrary, women can’t just talk about constant headaches and treat love sessions like soldier duties. Bring more fun and remember where it all started. Long-term relationships don’t define how continuous an intercourse will be.

When my friends say things like –“Meh, we’re doing it without great enthusiasm/It’s getting boring/I don’t shave for him” one can understand that a couple has gone through a lot. But you need to know that it will be progressively harder to be satisfied and interested after things like that. So I can suggest you that you keep some secrets to yourself, both private and sexual. Be more mysterious in this sense, so your sex life will get back to normal. What is scientifically normal?

Specialists say that everything also depends on the age of your couple. For instance:

  • Couples under 25 perform it 1-2 times a night.
  • Elder couples from 26 to 40 do it rarely (2-3 times a week), but with a higher quality.
  • Elder people have sex about 2-3 times a month.

Remember that there is no should or must, but when you sleep together as rare as a 40-year-old and you are 20, it’s a sign that you might be getting uninterested in each other!

How to Spice Up Your Couple's Sex Life

how to spice up your sex lifeModern sex, as well as modern sexual problems, may have different roots. People form unrealistic expectations from sex under the influence of television and cinema. According to psychologists, there is one common reason why couples cannot cope with their sexual problems. In most cases, this is because they are uncomfortable talking about sex.

What do you do to revitalize your sexual life? Sexologists advise the following techniques:

1. Understand the real causes of a problem

In order to put the clock back, keep the old spark alive and increase the intimacy. You should be honest with each other and should neither ignore nor deny your feelings. Ask yourself and your lover about what used to turn you on. If you just sit and wait for sex to come back by itself, your sexual separation will continue.

2. Stop apologizing

We apologize for everything in a row, from being lazy to go to the gym and ending up with a missed birthday of your partner’s friend. Do not apologize for not having sex. It is necessary to start with something small and move to something bigger– desire never comes at lightning speed. Perhaps both of you experienced some blitz desires in the past, but generally, the desire comes as a response to some stimuli, not spontaneously. Take small steps to become sexier day after day.

3. Set a schedule for sex

This may sound excessive and not sexy at all but scheduling sex may eventually lead you to regular unplanned sex. Most people hate sex planning, but we are so concerned and we do so much work that there is almost no option for spontaneous sex anymore.

4. Make the partner feel beloved outside the bedroom

You need to feel desired if you want to fell sexy. So, find ways to display your love throughout a day. Send an intimate message during your working hours; hug your partner while he / she is preparing a dinner.

5. Start with a massage

After several years of relationships, even a simple touch can change a lot. Agree not to have sex for several weeks and practice a sensual touching massage instead. Thus, the expectations and pressures associated with sex will go away, allowing you to relax and re-enjoy physical intimacy and communication. Initiate such 20-minute sessions one at a time at least once a week, negotiating with each other about their intensity.

6. You may have to work hard to get into the right mood

Does your partner turn you on like he used to do? Don’t worry. Everything is fine if you are ready to work on yourself. The desire and excitement often follow a conscious decision to have sex. It's like training – pleasure comes in the process.

sex positions to spice it up7. Remember sex should be fun

Stop worrying about orgasms and simply enjoy the time spent with your partner. Under the influence of television and cinema, people are creating a high expectation from sex, which leads to stress. Focus on making fun – make jokes and get more fun with your partner.

8. Get out of your comfort zone

It's easy to sink in a sexual routine: one and the same position, one and the same time having sex. It is therefore important to discuss things that you and your partner are interested in. Just keep in mind that the things should sound new for you. Think of the desire and fantasy that you are ashamed of, tell your partner, and listen to his ideas. Sometimes, even a simple conversation about similar things that you have been hiding for years can bring relationships to life.

Sex experiments

Here is an example of a plan to spice up your sex life. Of course, such tips should be strictly individual. However, there are some general tips on how to spice up your sex life. Perhaps the most common advice is to change the positions to spice it up. We suggest you to escalate erotic feelings putting a bandage on the eyes... Take something soft and tie your partner to something solid. The bandage and helpless body will do the job.

One of the partners gets the opportunity to turn into a big erogenous zone for touching and kissing and…. In this case, you can detect previously unknown and sometimes unexpected erogenous zones. You can use not only hands to touch each other. For example, take something gentle and fluffy.

Another extremely enjoyable entertainment is covering body with drawings. Take your body art paints and go ahead.